you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
