I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
