Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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