I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
