I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
