Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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