I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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