she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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