Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
