You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize