hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
