Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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