so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
