While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
