why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
and she was petting her beer can
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize