well most of my day revolves around power hour
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
