At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
