You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
