Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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