I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
