I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
smell my finger.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
how drunk are you?
Several
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
