thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The uberlube is also flammable
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
