You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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