Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
