Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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