Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
