Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
