could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
how does that bad decision feel?
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