I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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