i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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