:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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