He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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