He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
