He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
