i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So much Jack, so little girl.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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