What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
