ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
