today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
the raccoons are back...
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