I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
