I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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