hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
