I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
