I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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