Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
