She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
