You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I AM VODKA MAN
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
