i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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