I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
