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you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
