he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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