No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
where are you?
Hypothermia
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
