dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Small penises have feelings too.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
