Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize