It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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