i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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