she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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