When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
