do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
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