OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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