i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
