The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
