Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you win again, gameday.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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