I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Randomize
