My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize