They should really pass out barf bags in church
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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