Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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