Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
