wakey wakey hands off snakey
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
