did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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