Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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