That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
so much tequila, so little girl.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
