I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
