I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
