guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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