WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize