ugly people sure do ruin things
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
