i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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