My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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