I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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