We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She's the barista slut.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
