I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
