i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
