If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
