Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
