I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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