i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
