Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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