I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
