You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
