so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
