i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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