Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
