I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
