Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
