I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize