Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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