You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
