dude i'm inner monologue high
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
