She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
