Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
