We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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