The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize