i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
